Constellations Counselling at the Natural Practice, Winchester

I hope you enjoy this article; it explains my constellations counselling practice, my intention is for readers new to this approach to get an understanding of the work, and hopefully to want to find out more.



Constellations-counselling[i] offers a whole-person way of understanding clients’ life issues. It’s like starting with a 2-dimensional image of the issue, my client and I then add layers of further context, for example a client’s family-of-origin history. In so doing, together we co-create an evolving 3-dimensional picture. We’re interested in the most influential systems, people or events that have been formative in the question at hand – what seems to be maintaining the status quo that the client wants to address.

As humans, we belong to many systems: the family of origin, work, cultural background, spiritual or religious practices, our ancestry etc.

Sometimes people ask: “does this work have anything to do with constellations and astrology?”. In astrology, constellations are formed of a myriad of stars, planets, moons in continual movement and orbit. Gravitational pulls exert their influence on the whole system, and so it is with human beings: we belong and are related to multiple systems, their ‘gravitational pull’ on us is sometimes obvious, sometimes less so with subconscious forces at play.

Embodied work

I encourage not only talking about, but also experiencing the client’s world in an embodied way. One of the drawbacks I found as a person-centred counsellor was that sometimes we’d be recycling old stories through talking. When we introduce our bodies’ wisdom however and all our intuitive ways of knowing, we start to reveal the root cause of issues.

Mapping a client’s emotional geography

I use the metaphor of an emotional landscape. Constellations counselling is layered, it’s not about one-off Eureka! cures, although there is often deep insight in a session. In my experience, it takes time and willingness to engage with the layers of a client’s emotional landscape; to see them, experience them and gradually integrate new ways of operating in the world[ii].

Clients often report they find the physical mapping of their story particularly helpful. Placing one’s story outside of oneself, enables viewing it afresh, more dispassionately.

As we do this, we also surface a client’s limiting beliefs and stories.

For example: a client had parents who were unavailable to properly parent, often distracted in their own affairs with little time for their children’s needs. The client experienced in a constellation that they were still seeking their parent’s approval into adulthood, unconsciously projecting the familiar story of their inner six-year old. We later saw this pattern repeated in other adult relationships with partners, or in their work context with their line manager.

Creating new narratives

Stories and behavioural patterns aren’t “wrong”, they’re normally a client’s natural survival strategies formed in often challenging circumstances. I tread with deepest respect around these stories. However, I also gently challenge and encourage my clients to create new narratives for the lives they wish to lead.

Many of us would probably recognise a ‘comfortably numb’ place of falling into habitual thinking that leads us down a negative spiral; there’s comfort in ‘better the devil you know’! You can read more about how disempowering these old patterns can be in my blog Taming the Wild Elephant. 

When my client understands the impact of their stories and belief systems, and can make peace with them[iii], they become free to make new choices, to start new ways of thinking and to literally create new neural pathways in their brain.

Representation

So how do we get an embodied sense of what’s going on in a constellation?

We use ‘representation’. Basically, it means a person or an object representing someone or something in a system. In 1-1 work with a client, we’ll use felt floor markers, or sometimes Playmobile figures or chair work[iv] to physically see things in relationship to one another. I will often invite my client to physically stand on a felt floor marker (a representative place) and feel ‘what’s it like from that perspective?’.

I do the same too, with permission from my client I stand in different representative places, and we can sense the relationships and even dialogue from those positions.

‘What should I be doing?’

clients often ask when they’re new to this.

It’s not about Oscar-winning dramatic performances, there’s no training required to be a representative, we all have the ability to sense into another’s shoes. It’s one of the unique attributes of being human. I simply invite my client’s openness, curiosity and trusting inclusion of ‘what shows up’. I often say ‘you can’t get this wrong’.

The experience from different ‘representative’ places gives us a sense of how the system is functioning; it provides us with information about where things might be stuck: you may feel a sensation of being cold, stuck, engaged, heavy, disconnected, depressed, fearful, vital, happy, or nothing at all! It’s all valuable information about what’s in the field.

Clients are often surprised by how much information is available to us when we’re in a constellation, much of it very accurate, down to postures, facial expressions, even the way that words are spoken. And there’s no script.

Felt floor markers might ‘represent’ people in a family system, the squares male, the circles female. The notches represent the direction a person is facing.

Flow

When a system is in flow, there’s an ease we experience when we’re representing, everything or everyone has their right place, there’s contact between people, serendipity, a palpable sense of ease, love, we notice a balance of giving and receiving, parents look after children, there is good eye contact etc.

Conversely when flow is disrupted, we see and indeed feel it.

Playmobil figures used to explore a family system

Standing on a floor marker as a representative

Entanglements

The systems that we belong to can be complex: consciously or sub-consciously we’re in continual movement between belonging, a very human fundamental need, and the impulse to individuate and become more self-expressed[v].

The tension arises because as we individuate, we’ll probably challenge a system’s rules. A family system for example will organise itself to achieve as broad an integration of its parts, but it can also have the power to exclude or marginalise whatever threatens coherence.

For a lot of my clients their dis-ease stems from excluded people or events.

Why do my needs seem to come second to everyone else’s?

The structure of a typical constellation counselling session.

The start

• We start the session sitting. If it’s the intake session[vi] I explain how the session is structured, about constellations counselling, confidentiality agreements, housekeeping.

• The session lasts typically 50 minutes, or 100 if a double-booking.

• I may ask questions relating to a client’s intake questionnaire (this is the only time I’ll take notes)

• The client shares what they’re wanting to work on, what’s brought them to counselling. If the issue isn’t clear, we work together to formulate it.

Setting up the constellation

• We agree who/what are the key people/events most relevant to their work. Client maps that scenario, using felt markers or other objects.

• We start simply, with just a few representative objects, then add layers is needed.

• We observe the constellation, explore what we notice: who’s in relationship with whom, are there obvious issues: e.g. people not looking at one another, spaced far apart, or on top of the other.

Representing

• We can physically represent in the constellation (as described earlier), to experience parts of the system, standing in the shoes of others.

• Sometimes we’ll dialogue from different positions, other times physical gestures and body language suffice.

Homework: creating new habits and behaviours

• We conclude the session with ‘what next’ agreements

• We decide after the intake session whether we’ll continue to work together, if so for how many sessions, spaced over how many months

• Together we reflect on insights and agree what habits, patterns and behaviours to focus on in-between sessions.

[i] Family constellations work was developed by the late Bert Hellinger who along with others 40+ years ago worked systemically with families, exploring a whole family system to understand the challenges facing an individual. Bert integrated his work as a family therapist with years as a missionary priest in South Africa, working with indigenous Zulu tribes. This strongly influenced family constellations approaches which often include our ancestors whether dead or alive. 

[ii] This is the primary reason I ask clients to commit to working with me at least for 3 sessions, spaced about one month apart.

[iii] Constellations work is not about getting caught up in who were the victims or perpetrators; the baddies and the goodies! I try to facilitate my client to start to see all the people and events in their systems, as having their place, their reason for being that way. To that extent, a lot of the work is about seeing things as they truly are and reaching a place of forgiveness.

[iv] This is where I invite my client to sit in a different seat in the therapy room and experience the same situation from another person’s perspective, e.g. “how is it if you sit here in the place of your daughter?”

[v] Clients are invited to complete an intake questionnaire setting out some relevant personal information, history, family of origin details, current family and outlining what they’re seeking to work on
[vi] Carl Rogers, the grandfather of person-centred approaches, called this self-actualisation

A constellation for planet Earth

held at the Bringing Forth retreat, Thursday 2 May 2019. Hazel Hill Wood, near Salisbury.

By Marcos Frangos & Kirstin Irving

We write this blog about our constellation for planet Earth with humility. It risks sounding a grandiose title. We are also aware of the risks of anthropomorphising, when the centre of this constellation is an infinitely complex planet. In spite of all this, we are motivated to share it because it feels it contains wisdom, especially in the context of escalating news around global warming, our role and responsibility as humans in the climate catastrophe we face. It begs the question for us, what relationships can we adopt as humans, that allows Earth its destiny? We have resisted trying to put too many interpretations here, reporting the phenomenology of the constellation.

We’ll leave it to you to draw whatever meaning you wish from it, and we’d be honoured to hear from you if you’d like to share thoughts. You can contact Marcos and Kirstin directly.

Some context:

This constellation was part of our Landscapes of Change retreat, taking place in May, around Beltane. The work itself took place in the Heartwood of Hazel Hill Wood, an extraordinarily beautiful cathedral-like space in this woodland, with majestic beech and Scots pine. Towards the end of this particular retreat, we were deciding on the form for the last constellation, thus far they’d been with an individual’s focus and intention. We shared our thinking with the group, the leaning was towards a collective constellation.

As we continued to discuss options, at one point some crows let out strong calls close by – abrasive, loud - cutting right through. For Marcos this was a message from our feathered relations: “be quiet, listen, stop chatting!”. So, in silence, we held hands around the fire and tuned in.

What emerged was a consensus for a group constellation for planet Earth, picking up on the themes previously voiced: our fear, sense of overwhelm, burnout, paralysis in the face of enormous challenge, as well as honouring the huge strength and commitment for good in the collective wisdom and energy of our group.

A constellation for planet Earth, as reported by Marcos:

I invited a representative for earth. A female participant offered, so we sat next to one another. I began by asking how she was feeling (we’ll refer to her as Earth). Almost immediately Earth felt a constriction as if wearing a corset; she couldn't take a full breath and was becoming increasingly hot in her belly. She also reported a churning stomach. I invited Earth to put her hands in the area of constriction.

In a very uncomfortable place physically, Earth reported her symptoms factually, without too much emotion, similar to someone who’s grown familiar with their illness. I wondered if this was also signs of dissociation in the representative? I asked what support Earth needed, she responded: “I need air”, so she chose a representative for air, who immediately came and sat by her side.

Earth was still in considerable discomfort; air arriving as a representative didn’t shift to the system significantly at that point. I invited further representatives to self-select and represent ‘unknown support for earth’: two came forward, one coming close to Earth, the other circling around the periphery balancing on the outer campfire benches, sometimes moving in one direction sometimes the other. A further representative also came and sat close to Earth (near air) and reported “feeling young”.

Earth, aware of all the representatives around her, spoke with the tenderness of a loving mother:

“my children, I can't do anything more for you...I am sorry”.

These words brought tears to my eyes. It felt to me as if something profound, a realisation or truth, had dawned on Earth as she spoke those words. Having spoken them, Earth reported needing to take space and to physically move (bear in mind the constellation started unfolding during the initial ‘interview’, almost within seconds).

Earth’s movements were unequivocal. She stood up, left the space, and moved away from the campfire moving to a clearing adjacent to us. Earth stood alone and took her space. She began to feel a sense of release and ease from the discomfort; it was clear to me that she needed space around her.

I kept a respectful distance, observed her and asked if I could continue dialogue with her. I also invited all representatives (and the outer circle) to remain in contact, and to give Earth space.

Earth could feel herself pulled with outstretched arms in opposite directions - she reported it as if she was a pair of weighing scales: her sense of the pull of attachment or responsibility to one side, from which was also coming loud noises (beyond the woodland) of chainsaws in the distance. These noises seemed to distress her “can no one else hear this?” she asked exasperated. I was aware of the background noise, but to Earth it felt more intense. In the opposite direction, also with outstretched arms, Earth looked as if to her future (in the direction of the south-west)

“I need to feel a future possibility”, she said, when I asked what this movement or direction meant to her.

I asked for a representative to walk slowly in the direction of this possible future to which Earth pointed, and for Earth to tell the representative when she intuitively felt she was stood in the right place, at the right distance away from her. The representative began to walk slowly away from Earth. At one point, about 30m away, Earth asked her to stop and the representative turned to face her.

Earth, now looking at this future possibility, said this representative place was very important to her. Her energy and attention shifted away from what was behind her (the relationships, attachments, noises and disruption), and moved towards this future. Her sense of balance or a better place seemed connected to this future. I didn't name it out loud, but the number 60 was strongly with me at this point [was this a representation of a time period, 60, 600, 60,000 or 60 million years?!].

Earth settled into a better place in relation to this future possibility, her feelings of constriction and heat dissipated. I thanked and ‘dismissed’ all representatives except for Earth, and invited all the group to represent human beings on the Earth, and to give whatever authentic offerings to Earth, feeling in their hearts the gifts we have received as humans. Representatives one by one, took their time and left flowers, bird feathers, or blessings from their heart (of joy and deep wishes for her good future). Earth received all these blessings tenderly, one-by-one, kneeling on the forest floor.

Once the last of these offerings had been made, Earth gently buried the gifts under a pile of composting leaves. I invited the group to hold hands around Earth, and we intuitively started to walk clockwise around her, an act of honouring, protection and connectedness.

We ended the constellation.

Notes from Kirstin:

I can’t recall precisely when I stepped in to represent ‘warmth’ but it was early on. I felt quite agitated, uncertain where to place myself, searching; I must have been the one that Marcos describes as circling around the periphery. I then had a strong desire to connect with Earth and settle. I came close to her, and I found myself transfixed; I simply could not take my eyes off of her face. It was very still and it felt intense. At this point I realised I was representing ‘shame’.

As Earth moved away to a clearing and started to explore a future possibility, I sat at the side lines. I had an overwhelming desire to sink away, to diminish myself – I wanted to be so small as to become invisible. I knew in that moment that my work was not to be big and clever and to offer answers, it was instead to radically and rapidly diminish myself, allowing Earth the space she needed.

As Earth settled into a better place in relation to the future possibility, Marcos ‘dismissed’ us as representatives and asked us to represent human beings on Earth. I couldn’t bring myself to go as close to Earth as I was being invited to do. I couldn’t offer Earth anything, it felt wrong to suppose that I could. The best I could manage was to come a little closer and offer a deep bow. As we held hands around Earth I had a strong need for movement. In this, I felt we were gathering up all our love and focusing it on Earth in a focused, dynamic, protective embrace.

“Fear FM – don’t bother tuning in, we’re always on air!”

I’ve become acutely aware how often I live in a mist of fear. Functioning, continuing my days, but often through a misty veil. I heard a radio programme with an American psychologist: “it’s fine to let your fears travel in the car with you but tell them: “in no way are you sitting in the driver’s seat, and “no” you can’t use the satnav!” Ok, I get that, but I don’t think it’s as straightforward as commanding our fears. I think we need a new “Me Too” campaign.

Early morning anxiety, ruminations about a piece of work, or a tough conversation needed at a meeting, a relationship off balance? And added to that, a dollop of avoidant behaviour which of course exacerbates everything! Me too. Maybe, you recognise you’re simply living with Fear FM in the background: the white noise of our monkey-minds well versed at stories about stories about stories. Fear FM isn’t simply a waste of attention, it’s more insidious. Our subconscious ruminations lead to fears being projected onto the faces of friends, loved ones, colleagues - and in that space we don’t really meet one another, encounters are through a muffled veil.

“Always on Air!” The ancient amygdala functioning of our brains has evolved (but not much) for thousands of years and kept us safe from dangers. It’s hypervigilance continually scanning our experiences against a vast database of personal and collective memories. It’s asking itself “is this safe, could this be a danger, this feeling reminds me of that frightening episode”. And with that comes all the neuro-physiological responses of fight, flight or freeze, often without knowing our sympathetic nervous system has been triggered, like the mosquito that numbs our skin before its bite. Unconsciously we have increased cortisol levels, accelerated heart rate, widened air ways, eyes dilated and raised blood pressure. Great if you need to fight, not if you’re sat with a dear friend.

So, back to Fear FM. How can we disrupt our listening patterns?

In “Fear: Its Beginning, Middle and End”, Krishnamurti said: “Fear is never an actuality; it is either before or after the active present. When there is fear in the active present, is it fear? It is there and there is no escape from it, no evasion possible. There, at that actual moment, there is total attention at the moment of danger, physical or physiological. When there is complete attention there is no fear. But the actual fact of inattention breeds fear; fear arises when there is an avoidance of the fact, a flight; then the very escape itself is fear.” So, is it our inattention that inadvertently devotes more air-time to Fear FM? It’s no accident that many spiritual practices share mindfulness or meditation, as ways to bring ourselves to the present. We know from neuroscience that stilling the mind, and focussing our breathing triggers our parasympathetic nervous system and allows us to rest and digest.

I want to share a story.In my early 20’s in the beautiful gardens of the Krishnamurti Centre in Madras, I spent time with someone who grew up as a young man learning from Jidda Krishnamurti. He sat with me as I explained that as long as I could remember, fear had always been very close by.

“What are you afraid of?” he asked.  “Loneliness,” I replied.

“Are you feeling lonely now?”. I replied not. He continued: ”What are you afraid of?”

“Dying”, I said. “Are you dead now?” “No”, I said, a bit shocked.

He asked again, “What are you afraid of?” A few moments passed.

“Not being good enough.” “What’s behind that fear?” he asked gently.  “Judgement”, I answered.

“Who’s judging you?” he asked.

“My father” I said.  “Is he here judging you now, in this garden?”

“No. I’m sat on this bench with you”. 

“So, what are you afraid of...?”

He continued with a lucid dismantling of the many layers of fears, unquestionably causing me distress, but none of them present in those moments. The experience was a bit like unpacking a Russian doll set: each doll containing another associated thought, fear or memory. I wasn’t experiencing any fear in those gardens, yet I complained about fear being a constant companion. With his enquiry, in that garden, I’d run out of dolls to keep opening.

Yet, here I am at 50. I still feel fear as a constant companion. I find Eckarth Tolle’s 5 minute video Getting rid of Fear wonderfully insightful. Rather than evade or try and escape fear, he advises “accept the seemingly unacceptable”. Although it’s not pleasant, he says, shine the light of your awareness on your fears over and over again. They won’t kill you. In fact, when we surrender to it and allow it to be, that’s when spiritual transformation happens. We may have to do it over and over again, perhaps all our life, however that ONE thing will be our greatest teacher. Perhaps that’s what Krishnamurti meant: “hold your fear as a jewel in the palm of your hand”.

So, for me, fear FM’s jingle contains some truth - they really are always on my airwaves. One of the joys though that comes from being 50 is a realisation that there’s no silver bullet, no perfect life to be sought. It’s a daily craft, a discipline, an attention and noticing when I’m off balance.

Some tips for all you Fear FM listeners out there who, like me, are searching for other ways.

• Try a daily meditation practice, even 10 minutes can make a difference

• When you feel stress levels rising, take a few steady breaths in and out

• Walk outside, focussing as much of your attention for a few minutes on one thing: really observe the snail’s trail, the bird’s song, the leaf in the breeze...

You may just find these steps return you to the ever changing NOW, and more of your self becomes available to meet life. If you’re interested in deepening your exploration of how your inner and outer worlds intersect, please join us at Landscapes of Change, a series of retreats at Hazel Hill Wood, near Salisbury. We explore questions of balance, and much more besides, in safe community, and as pilgrims on a path.

Wishing you blessings on your path

Marco

Living with the Heartbeat of the Land

A year’s journey celebrating and marking the Celtic festivals and learning from the magic at Hazel Hill Wood.

Background

For over two decades we have been listening deeply to the rhythms and the heartbeat of Hazel Hill Wood, celebrating ancient traditional festivals which mark the rhythm of the Wheel of the Year. I’d like to express my deep appreciation and gratitude to Agatha Manouche, a medicine woman with huge commitment, wisdom and insight: Agatha is the main author of this work. Heartfelt appreciation also to Alan Heeks, my friend, and founder and chairman of Hazel Hill Wood: Alan’s been deeply committed to this work and the wood for over 30 years.

 The Celtic Festivals. The purpose of sharing this paper is to provide one framework (there are many) which gives an approach to living with the heartbeat of the land, following the dance of the Earth around the Sun which has been celebrated since prehistoric times, marking the seasons on our land. You can follow these eight festivals like an unfolding journey of manifesting your yearly dream.

So, we start with…

Winter Solstice: sometimes also known as ‘Yule’

On December 21st, the sun reaches its furthest point in the Southern hemisphere; there it pauses on its course before it starts moving Northward again. This pause is called "solstice" from the Latin words "sol" meaning sun, and "sisto" meaning stop. 

 Like the tide at the point it’s neither in nor out, there’s these moments for a few days around the Solstice when the sun doesn’t move. For us humans this time calls for stillness, as we observe and experience nature hibernating. To reach this state, we consciously aim to slow down our human activities from the previous festival (Samhain) throughout the Autumn months. Invited by the natural rhythm of the wood which seems to be falling asleep, by the winter solstice, we’ve watched the leaves steadily fall and slowly dissolve into the ground, as the rain and the cold settle, and the days become shorter.

Symbolically, during this period, we’ve looked within and attempted to let go of what’s no longer serving us: attachments to old habits, patterns of behaviour, grudges etc. So when Solstice arrives, there’s a sense of a turning point. We’ve come to a place called the Static Feminine: apparently we’re doing very little outwardly, yet we’re restoring the vital nutrients provided by our inner process to prepare for the New Year, the New Dream.

As people have done for millenia on this Earth, at Hazel Hill Wood we call the Sun back to our Land with celebrations of songs and dances and prepare to receive the New Seed of the New Dream - a journey that will unfold through the year to come.

Imbolc: 2nd February, also called Candlemas

Half way between Winter and Spring, Imbolc is the time when we begin to witness glimpses of the return of the Sun. Like Candlemas (feast of candles), Imbolc invokes the return of the light. “Imbolg” meaning “in the belly”, marks the beginning of the lambing season, new life, new milk, new beginnings. It’s time to celebrate fertility. Brigid, an old Celtic goddess related to fire and fertility was traditionally invoked to fortify the fertility in the land.  The first shoots and sometimes even early flowers begin to appear, celandines and primrose, snow drops.  In the journey of the Dream of the year, they represent the first manifestation of the seeds received from the blessings at Winter Solstice.

 In your thoughts or prayers you can hold that the seed of the new Dream be fertilised by the light and the Fire of the returning Sun. Like the rest of Nature around us, we emerge slowly from our hibernation; we move from the Static Feminine mode to the Dynamic Masculine one -  a more focused and active way of being. The emerging light activates our own shoots and, if we pay attention, we may feel a new focus emerging in our life; something of the New Dream we called for at Solstice. We gather to re-kindle with the New Light, calling for the inner and outer process of thawing which will allow renewal to emerge. It’s a great time to plant a new tree to give root to the New.

Spring Equinox: sometimes known as Ostara

On 21 March, Spring Equinox marks the time when the Sun is reaching the Equator, stepping back into our hemisphere; the days and nights are equal. And to honour that, we check-in with what’s in and out of balance.  We assess whether there’s too much of one thing or not enough of another; perhaps too much activity or inactivity in the symbolic journey of manifesting the Dream of the year.

Equinox is also a place where we look at situations in our life that may have become polarised into inner or outer conflict. This quest for balance is also a quest for harmony; nature gives us plenty of examples how apparently competing species, e.g. of trees, can reach a balance.

Beltane: 1st May

Beltane brings together many different threads, as we continue to follow the journey of the Dream of the year and listen to the heartbeat of the land. Many plants have flowered and Hazel Hill Wood sees the magical purple-blue from the Bluebells! This is the time of witnessing Birth everywhere - Beltane is an explosion of vitality and lushness: baby owls hoot and the fowls dance, the woodpecker sounds his rhythmic beat;  birdsong becomes a magical chorus and the panoply of flowers explodes as we leap between the ritual fires of the Sacred Masculine and Feminine in the Celtic tradition. 

Like the symbol of the Easter egg hatching, we witness the hatching of our year’s Dream, asserting our intention and commitment in the spirit of joyous celebration.

Summer Solstice: 21st June, sometimes known as ‘Litha’

As the Sun grows higher on our horizons, between Beltane and the Summer Solstice it’s the final stages and opportunity for nurturing and supporting the evolution of that Dream of the year we’ve carried forth to its fullness.  Summer Solstice is the longest day and shortest night of the year. As we reach the point of stillness, we look at our dream’s full potential, as well as its limitations. Hopefully we realise its purposeful manifestation and feel the difference it’s made in our lives and possibly that of others. Solstice also brings focus to the beginnings of a sense of “this is it”, and by Midsummers night we know that we’ve arrived at the turning point. For that long night the Sun stands still but as it starts its retreat to the South, the days begin to shorten.  Nevertheless, the promise of the harvest is yet to come.

Lammas: 1st August, sometimes known as ‘Luchnassad’

Although imperceptibly the days become shorter, the sun is still high and strong, and it continues to help the fruits of our harvest ripen. The journey between Summer Solstice and Lammas is a time of embracing what has manifested but also a time for reflection, when we ask ourselves: “what has my Dream been about?”

 It brings a sense of honouring of its gifts and limitations. Lammas has a quality of seeing things as they truly are and being open to learning from what’s happened thus far; this attending to our learning is vital so that our next Dream in the cycle becomes richer and more real.

 This is a time of counting our blessings. Although the Sun is descending faster on its Southern journey, our Dream continues to bear its fruits. At the wood we notice the start of wilting as the leaves of many trees begin to turn to browns, golds and reds indicating the turn to Autumn.  Great time to honour gifts, beauty and blessings.

Autumn Equinox 20-23 September, also known as ‘Mabon’

As we complete the last stages of our harvesting, and fruits and nuts ripen, we’re truly with the energy of thanksgiving for all that has come: celebrating the Earth’s unconditional abundance as well as our own achievements, acknowledging the blessings of food, friendships and our many communities and tribes we’re a part of.

 Squirrels teach us about harvesting and storing in preparation for the winter, and the trees and plant kingdoms let their energy drop back into their roots. As the Sun crosses the Equator again, on its way back to the South, we take another opportunity to check what is in and/or out of Balance, it’s the beginning of Autumn; the light is fading and now growth either slows down or stops entirely.

 We look at how we can best store and harvest for ourselves the lessons that came with the journey. It’s also a good time to release the past like the leaves that drop and become compost, bringing their richness and goodness into the ground of our being, our soil.

Before the days grow shorter we check again what’s in or out of balance, moving beyond old patterns that might have tended to polarity, and slowly we prepare ourselves for the descent into the dark. 

Samhain: 31 October – 1 November

Half way between Autumn and Winter, the festival of Samhain marks the time when we begin the slowing down process. Like the leaves falling off the trees, we let go of whatever is no longer needed or helpful; as we look at the shape of the tree trunks devoid of their ornaments, we allow the Dream of the year to lose the illusion of its form, yet keeping its core essence. With the nights growing longer and the cold taking over, we learn from the creatures of the wood as they embark into their hibernation. Like them, we begin the descent into the dark cave of the Earth, where rest and decay transform into vital organic nurturing.

 Samhain coincides with Halloween -  the time when the veil between the world of the living and the world of spirit is at its thinnest and for many indigenous traditions this is the time when ancestors come to help us go down into our own ‘underworld’, to re-connect with our spirit, the Source of all Dreams. Samhain marks the end of the year’s cycle, and the necessary preparation for the beginning of the next. From here, we prepare ourselves for the renewal that Winter solstice will bring.

At Samhain we go underground, we adjust our pace and enter a deeper dreaming. We review the year that’s passed, and for better or for worse, we look at what’s worked and what hasn’t. We learn to see the essence of our Dream of the Year and let go any illusions we may be carrying. We discover how to bring our ancestors closer and connect with the ones that can help us manifest the cycle of transformation.

…and so we return to the winter solstice

Inner and Outer Landscapes of Change - Marcos and Kirstin reflect on the upcoming event series

Find out more of sign up to the first retreat

Meeting the energy of the bull elephant in change work

Listen to Marcos introducing the blog - Meeting the Energy of the Bull Elephant

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege to work with three dynamic individuals: the leadership team of a non-profit that’s addressing a sector of the business world that’s not currently engaged strategically in the move to a less carbon-reliant economy. If that sector can get engaged, it could be a game changer. Their work is sensitive and, in some cases, high-profile, so we agreed I’d keep names anonymous.

 Our day began with an enquiry about the intended outcomes of the leadership team given the enormity and urgency of their agenda[i]. We agreed three broad outcomes:

 1) to learn about one other as a leadership team, how best to direct individual talents and energies

 2) to understand dynamics in the team and ‘what kind of change makers are we?’

 3) to get insights into our next steps, and how to approach the work in the world for best impact

 With these in mind, we explored the focus for a constellation and articulated it into a sentence of intention for their organisation. Fascinating discussions honed down to a simple and profound enquiry: “what's really needed, in order for our organisation to be truly in service of this planet”. A huge, yet heartfelt and sincere ask, I sensed.


Working with constellations is like exploring a three-dimensional map of a complex organisational terrain, and for this team, their context is multi-layered spanning wider media/societal/political/business/spiritual landscapes. Our discussions helped us to map some of the boundaries of their system. In systemic work as layered as this, it can reveal patterns, dynamics and connections (or mis-connections) in relationships. It’s helpful as a diagnostic tool to see where there’s good flow, equally where aspects of the system warrant attention, often to free it up for its next steps. You can find out more about this process of constellations here.

“I found the constellations session enlightening and fascinating. I've not experienced anything like it before. It feels like the day with you will accelerate the storming, norming and performing process through which groups travel on their journey to greater productivity. I was able to further define my own role and focus my efforts around what is required”

We started by representing their organisation and the individuals involved, using floor markers set up in the space intuitively by the team. They placed the markers in the room to best represent the reality of what they currently experienced[ii]. My clients stepped in and out of different representations, physically standing on the floor markers, to sense what it’s like from different places. I invite them to use all their ways of knowing, to forget the stories in their mind and trust their body-wisdom. We introduced more layers into their organisational system: their goal, individuals in the team, a resource for their organisation (remained undefined), the outside world, a specific spiritual resource, the qualities of pain and fear.

I’d like to draw out a number of points that arose from our work:

Learning about each other as a leadership team

• The movements and relationships between parts were subtle, sometimes a little nebulous. Perhaps to be expected as they’re a newly- established organisation still “forming” and planning strategically.

• In stark contrast to the majority of these subtle movements, was the powerful presence of visceral fear and anger about climate change, embodied by one of the team particularly (more on that later).

• Language and metaphor was rich. As the constellation evolved, one of the team noted his experience of a “high-frequency energy” flowing through the organisation and its parts; it began its life as a “rack and pinion movement”, a bit clunky and mechanical, but nevertheless achieving an alignment between the parts. It gradually morphed into a “molten metal flow” running through their organisation. Systemically, I sensed that within their team is the wisdom and wherewithal to grow and mature as a leadership team so that the flow of relationships, ideas and energy can become more molten (good flow is an important indicator to me of a healthy-functioning system).

Here’s what my clients said:

"As a relatively new organisation with an ambitious mission, we were keen to prepare ourselves as well as possible to navigate the significant challenges we knew we had ahead of us. As a result of our work with Marcos, we learned more about each other as a leadership team, came to better understand the dynamics at play, between us and with the work, and gained powerful insights about what our best next steps might be. These included how we could most effectively direct our individual talents and energies and how we could work productively with our differences as individual leaders”

Understand dynamics between the team and the emotion of my client’s work  

A specific piece in the constellation struck me. One of the team became aware of their anger and pain in relation to what's happening on our planet caused by climate change. He was visibly moved, feelings coursing through his body in the constellation. I invited him to bring those emotions to be physically represented in the constellation (with floor markers) as they carried a lot of energy[iii]. He almost collapsed over pain and anger, holding them close to his body. We explored what is the systemic function of pain, where does it rest in their system, with whom are pain and fear most closely identified? One of his colleagues gently challenged him: “I’d quite like some of that emotion too, can you share it round?”.

I was struck by the overlay of personal story with organisational story. The team member who initially owned the feelings was very honest: as a seasoned campaigner he’d frequently experienced feeling pain and anger. Both emotions were strongly present in his professional career as well as his family of origin. He’d learned creative strategies to be with them, and indeed make use of them.

We explored the unconscious side of these attachments. For example, if harnessed more widely by the whole team, could these emotions be systemic ‘fuel’ to their work?

 “As a result of the constellations work we did, we connected with our vision and mission in a realistic and grounded way. We each came to see the unique contributions we have to make and we developed a strong shared sense of how alignment and synchronisation between us can power our work to deliver the impact we’re seeking”.

“I am bigger than you” - the shadow that lurks for change agents

My clients’ goal is to influence and bring about tangible change to a section of the business sector that’s monolithic - like facing down the bull elephant as pictured in this article. We explored: “What happens if we don’t run, but stay facing this huge force?” In my experience of systemic work, elephant-like forces can transform into a resource that can be integrated, and paradoxically the thing that seems to threaten the very existence of a system might just contain a homeopathic remedy.

How can we face the enormous power of the ‘other’ (the bull elephant) and dialogue differently?

Here’s an interesting technique: ask an organisation, or an individual change agent that’s seeking change: “do you feel bigger than, smaller than or equal to the thing you wish to change?” In my client’s story of a small organisation facing down the power of vested business interests, what pricked my systemic ears was hearing one of the team mention their desire to ‘obliterate’ a particular form of carbon-fuelled industry. We noted how the very language used can sub-consciously de-humanise what we seek to change. Damaging as that sector might be to the planet, it is a complex web of thousands of people, with families, loved ones, livelihoods. What happens if we replace the image of the faceless industry with the faces of those people?

I spoke about this topic with a friend and change-agent, Daniel Koerner who suggested two approaches: John Croft, the pioneer of Dragon Dreaming, talks about how we silence the forces (individual people) inside a system that might sympathise with us, those would-be potential active or passive enablers by de-humanising the big player.

Daniel explained:

“In every big-player system we find a range of opinions, and through our actions we can amplify the critical, progressive forces within the system, or we can shut them down by treating the system as one big beast (or bull elephant)”

Daniel also remined me of Brenee Brown’s work, in particular her book `Rising Strong` in which she talks about her research on what she calls ‘whole hearted, resilient people’ in our society. One of the main differences of how this particular group tends to see the world around them according to Brown is that they believe that people generally do the best they can. Brene Brown invites us to do the same… By keeping in mind that people do the best they can regardless of whether they work in an NGO or a multi-national cooperation we are able to better relate to the humanity within that institution.

One of the leadership group in my client’s organisation said:

"Being able to collectively, as a group of directors of a new non-profit, work with Marcos on a
a day of contemplation and constellation, focusing on the project we have
embarked on, was a real privilege.
This is a luxury you cannot afford to miss.
The most valuable insight I received from the event, was how my own work
encapsulated the same qualities, as those whom our work is targeting to change.
Challenging? Yes!
Invaluable? Definitely.

Some systemic conclusions for change-makers

Bert Hellinger who pioneered the amazing body of work called constellations, talked about three forces that keep systems together: personal conscience, collective conscience and spirit mind; the latter being the evolutionary force beyond good and bad, victim and perpetrator that’s in service of the whole ecosystem.

• If you want to change anything, especially if you feel passionately about it, I’d say first understand it, meet it and see it through dispassionate eyes - not as you’d like to it to be.  When we see all aspects of a system in their context, recognising that organisations build layer upon layer of values and ways of understanding the world, then each aspect has its place, history, purpose and inalienable right to belong.

• If as a change agent I feel bigger or smaller than the thing I wish to change, I’m more likely to adopt a binary win-lose position. And if I do that, I’m also more likely to perpetuate unhelpful systemic patterns, like victim-perpetrator dualities.

• Strong forces in a system can mirror aspects of ourselves that we haven’t fully integrated.  Next time you face a bull elephant, be curious about yourself and ask: is there a hint of myself that I find hard to live with, and I’m projecting onto the other? And if so, what’s possible if I seek to really own that part of myself?

• Try this out next time you face a challenging conversation with a person you seek to change: have the dialogue as an equal with as much right to belong as you do. You may find it’s possible to meet and see the ‘other’ from the wisdom of the spirit mind.

Some questions for you in your own world of change

What are you finding challenging as a change maker? What feels confusing or stuck? What might become possible if you experienced greater flow? If these questions spark your interest, I’d be delighted to have a conversation with you to tailor some work with you or your organisation.  

“We especially appreciated Marcos’ sensitivity to our work and the deep respect he showed for each of us as people. He struck a beautiful balance between challenging and supporting us, and between providing structure and enabling emergence. It was a real privilege to have this time together and we will undoubtedly be returning to Marcos for support as we continue our journey.”

If you would like to explore your change challenges in community with others, but outside of your own organisation, read more about our Landscapes of Change series… Landscapes of Change  retreats are all bout bringing people together in community at Hazel Hill Wood to curate what it means to live and work with coherence and integrity.

For another perspective on constellations and how this approach can help us work generatively with the dilemmas we face, read my co-facilitator Kirstin’s article Working with Dilemmas.

[i] Recent climate science shows we have already moved beyond mitigation and reversal of global warming. If you’re interested in this, I highly commend Rupert Read’s ‘Shed A Light’ talk to Cambridge students: https://www.chu.cam.ac.uk/events/shed-light-rupert-read/

[ii] Floor markers are widely used in constellations work, mine are multi-coloured squares or circles (representing masculine and feminine aspects). Each marker has a small V-shaped notch to indicate a direction. Representatives stand on the markers and sense that part of the system they’re representing using all their ways of sensing.

[iii] I’m often systemically interested where there is strong emotion, or its opposite, lack of emotion and disassociation. They’re pointers to where there might be systemic patterns worthy of deeper exploration